Pregnancy 411

I have never been the best pregnant person in the world and I never will be. I hate being sick, I hate getting fat, I hate being swollen, I hate never knowing what my mood will be or what will set it off. The only part I do like is the baby at the end that makes it all worth it. Mostly.


Having been through the awful joyous experience twice, the first time enjoying the pain, misery and grossness (mostly), because it would be making me a mommy at the end, and this time hating every second of all the sickness, pain, misery, and grossness inspite of getting a baby, Don't get me wrong. I love the baby part. Even the sleeplessness, and the crying, and stinkyness. If storks could really deliver babies I would have 10. But making them and getting them into the world healthy is not something I am very good at or enjoy at all.

The first time I religiously read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and enjoyed knowing what baby and my body were doing to bake the baby and get it here. I loved knowing what all was going on with the tiny little person inside of me.

This time I wasn't falling for the "This is a miraculous time in your life and enjoy it" stuff that that book likes to enforce. Yes it's an amazing thing to grow a person, and yes I will probably someday look back with happy tears of the time that I was growing my girls. I may even miss the kicking and the rollling and the reading of each week how the baby is growing. But I KNOW I will never miss the sickness, the grossness, the moodyness, and the feeling of never feeling "good".

SO, this time I read books by girls who knew that too. I read "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" and "Belly Laughs." It was wonderful to know that someone realized that all the books are full of the fun, exciting, and miraculous and none of the icky, gross, and awful.


I have also decided that not only is "pregnancy amnesia" not real, but a mother created that "problem" a very long time ago so that when her daughter asked why she didn't know that she was going to be leaking, or gassy, or cranky, or throwing up at the slightest provocation, and completely take someones head off (who may well be that same mother, or a husband, or some other poor unsuspecting person) for absolutely no reason at all, she could innocently and sweetly say, "Oh Honey, it's 'Pregnancy Amnesia.' You won't remember any of it either when you look in that sweet baby's face." Therefore making sure that their poor, unsuspecting daughter would give them grandchildren. And also they could get a little revenge on the daughter who caused them to be the leaky, gassy, puking, cranky women that they would like to forget they became once-upon-a-time. I'm sure (I think) that they feel bad for all we are going through, and really do know where we are coming from, and that they don't want us to suffer (too bad). But, they are also secretly laughing that they got to trick their daughters just like their mothers did them.

Now that I am a mother of 2 (soon to be 2 anyway) girls, I have also decided to "spare them" the gruesome facts and ensure that I too will get to be a grandma someday. All while secretly laughing and waiting for them to realize that they can pass on the lie of "Pregnancy Amnesia" to their children as well.


Disclaimer:
                 1. I would not suggest reading those books until you are actually pregnant and going through it. Maybe even wait until your second child so that, when the fun of making your first person is gone, you have something to make you laugh and know you're not the only one. 
                  2. Not everyone hates the process and is sick the entire time like me. So if you love it and have the easiest pregnancies ever, please keep that to yourself until, Oh, about August so that your aren't the one I lose it on. =P