Four years went by way too fast!

(Disclaimer: Yuckyness is part of giving birth. Sorry if anyone gets grossed out.)




Abby was due the 18th of June, and didn't show any signs of coming anytime soon. So 2 days later on the 20th, at 8:30 PM at night I was at the hospital checking in to be induced. By 9 PM I had all the papers signed, all the IV's hooked up, and all the instructions ready to follow. I wasn't nervous or worried or all the normal things you hear everyone say about having a baby. I was ready. I had been sick the entire 10 months (That's right 10...add it up. They just tell you 9 to make you feel a tiny bit better), I was miserable, swollen, and I was thrilled to be getting it done! I only had one rule, and I enforced it with a vengeance. (I will take this time to apologize to Bekah, Barbara, and Jamie for my insistence they leave immediately when they showed up before it the designated "time"...but I did warn you. LOL) I had decided the ONLY people aloud to be at the hospital before the baby was born were the parents. No one else. Period. And I was completely serious...just ask the people in the apology section of this post. I don't really have a reason why it was so important to me. I just didn't want people there.


The pitocin they used to start my labor seemed like it was taking forever. I went in at a 3 (which I had been for almost 3 weeks) and didn't do a thing until about 2PM on the 21st. Then I was at a 5. It still wasn't hurting, I had some pain meds in my IV and wasn't feeling a thing. I was just chilling in the room talking to my hubby, the parents (both sets) and my Justyn. This was easy! My nurse came in about 3PM and told me she was ordering my epidural so that when it did start hurting he would be there and I wouldn't have to suffer. I wasn't on the "Hurry up and get your butt here before I rip someones head off list" just on the "while you are making your rounds and are close stop by this room and drug her" list. So, an hour and a half later the first contraction that meant something hit. I was talking and laughing, and then I was on my side trying really hard not to let the tears welling up in my eyes leak out. and looking at my Father-In-Law sitting right across from me. He had been talking to Justyn, and then he looked at me, I suppose because I had stopped talking, and said "Ok. Come on buddy, we're outta here." Apparently he is not a fan of contractions either.


About 2 minutes later, and only 2 of those contractions under my belt, the most wonderful man in the entire universe rushed into the room and did his magic. Now, I am not a fan of needles. I hate them. I get queasy just thinking about it. But that needle, well let's just say I would have kept it and put it in a special box and probably worshiped it (if I didn't believe that was wrong of course....) for the next 4 months. He gave me a shot to numb me which I do not remember feeling, then told me there would be pressure and wallah. We were done and I was laying down talking again. They had to stay and watch me for 20 minutes to make sure I didn't pass out or whatever else you can do with that thing, but I honestly don't remember those 20 minutes. Until, that is, they had all left me alone because the 20 minutes passed without incident. Well, my mom and MIL were there but the doc and nurses had all left. (Anthony had gone to take Justyn to get something to eat when the contractions started so he wouldn't have to watch that) All of a sudden I remember thinking I was having a severe asthma attack. I was trying just to breath through it. I am not sure if I even said anything. All of a sudden the nurses rushed to my room and did (something) to me. My blood pressure had fallen way way down. I wasn't scared. I was drugged and happy. And I have no idea what they did. But my blood pressure got stable and that was over. I then had a fever for the whole rest of the time and they were worried about the baby. I knew this, but I was so very drugged I didn't understand it really and so therefore not too concerned. All this happened within an hour. Once my blood pressure was stable, all of a sudden, I got really really sick. My mom was standing looking white as a ghost (which I didn't remember until later) and not saying a word. I said "I'm gonna be sick." and my Mother-in-law brought me something to throw up in. I threw up, my water broke, and then I cried. I wanted my husband back now and I wanted out of there. I didn't say it....but I was thinking it! All of a sudden I wasn't so drugged, not hurting, but much more aware.


Then the second most wonderful man in the universe walked through the door and I was OK. Anthony was back! Everything was going to be OK! He made everyone get out even though it wasn't really time yet, and my world was OK again. It was about 7:45PM when the nurse came in and checked me and told me I was at a 9 and they were calling the doc. When she got there a little less than 30 minutes later it was time to push. they asked me if I wanted a mirror (Another fact about me....I HATE blood and guts and anything yucky, I come close to passing out and have to get something to eat FAST if ever in contact with it) I said yes. I'm sure if my mom would have been in there should have laughed. But I wanted to watch! I pushed once and they said good job. I pushed twice and they said good job. I pushed the 3rd time and they said "Have you done this before?" My husband said I said something crazy back...and in between too, but I don't know what. It took about 20 minutes and I saw a head. I was thrilled. And then time stopped. The doc said don't push, the nurses said stop pushing, and I stopped watching. I didn't know what was wrong until after when Ant came back and told me but I knew something wasn't right. I shut down my brain because I didn't want to hear what they were saying. I stopped pushing, stopped looking, and stop thinking. The doctor had to unwrap the cord from Abby's neck 3 times. She wasn't crying when her head was out. That's all I knew at the time. Then when they got her untangled and pulled her out she screamed. I still wasn't thinking good, but at least she was screaming loud enough for the entire hospital to hear. Ant cut the cord, and then they wiped her off and sat her on my chest while they did more yucky stuff to me. Then they took her back and started their regular stuff. Only they were doing it very quietly, and very fast. No one was talking to me and telling me good job, no one was reassuring me that she was OK, no one was even looking at me. I was just watching them all doing their thing and not sure I wanted to start listening yet. They wrapped her in a blanket, let me kiss her head, and took her out. Ant went with them and got to help a little. They told him that she had some stuff in her lungs, she wasn't breathing good, and they had to get her oxygen up. They beat her chest and back to get her to get it out. When Ant came back I was able to talk. The doc was finishing sewing me up and I had enough sense to ask one question. What time was she born. I didn't even know. It was 8:38PM when she made her entrance.


It took 4 of the longest hours of my life for them to get her stable and breathing and able to bring her back to me. I still wasn't thinking straight for those 4 hours. I have no idea what anyone said to me, or if I said anything to anyone. I wanted EVERYONE to just leave. I wanted to be alone and cry with my husband and just make them bring my baby to me. Finally, 4 hours later, a nurse came in and asked if I was ready to see my daughter. I am sure I said yes, but I don't know. When they brought her in that little bed and she was pink, and breathing, and wide awake, all I knew was that if someone didn't hand her to me I was GOING to get out of that bed and get her myself. And then they gave her to me. I don't remember a single thing after that. I know my inlaws were still there (I think) but I don't remember anything but Ant standing beside me and looking at my baby girl who was ok.


It's funny how fast your life changes when you hear that first cry. Especially when that first cry seems to take entirely too long to come. I can't believe that was 4 years ago tomorrow. I remember that feeling so well. I still cry when I think about how hard those first few hours were. I don't think everyone understood how serious it was, and the she wasn't doing good. And I couldn't let myself think about it. I am thankful it wasn't as bad as some other people I know, but for me it was the most horrifying and longest hours of my life.


She ended up being the prettiest baby in the hospital. Or so it seemed. EVERY SINGLE NURSE on that floor would come in just to look at her. They would ooh and aah over her and then send someone else to come look at her. I was so proud that it was MY baby that everyone wanted to see. She was beautiful. And she didn't sleep when people were there. Everyone couldn't believe how perfect she was and how alert she was. I wish I would have had a book to sign and had all the people who came into the room just to look at her sign it so I could show her how popular she was. It was a little insane, and I think they "checked" on us a little too often because of that. haha


Anyway, through her short 4 years on this earth she has been through some crazy things. She has been tested for so many things I don't even know the number. She has had almost every childhood disease that you don't get vaccinated for. And she has been the greatest most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. She has made me a better person because I want to be all I can be for her. She has showed me what the love of God really is. If I can love my children this much, how much more must God love us to give his son for us. She has brought my husband and I closer because of the love we share for her. She has shown me how much I take for granted. She has taught me how to pray. Children really are a gift from God.


I love you Abigail Marie. Happy 4th birthday, and I hope you will have many many more. <3