Four years went by way too fast!

(Disclaimer: Yuckyness is part of giving birth. Sorry if anyone gets grossed out.)




Abby was due the 18th of June, and didn't show any signs of coming anytime soon. So 2 days later on the 20th, at 8:30 PM at night I was at the hospital checking in to be induced. By 9 PM I had all the papers signed, all the IV's hooked up, and all the instructions ready to follow. I wasn't nervous or worried or all the normal things you hear everyone say about having a baby. I was ready. I had been sick the entire 10 months (That's right 10...add it up. They just tell you 9 to make you feel a tiny bit better), I was miserable, swollen, and I was thrilled to be getting it done! I only had one rule, and I enforced it with a vengeance. (I will take this time to apologize to Bekah, Barbara, and Jamie for my insistence they leave immediately when they showed up before it the designated "time"...but I did warn you. LOL) I had decided the ONLY people aloud to be at the hospital before the baby was born were the parents. No one else. Period. And I was completely serious...just ask the people in the apology section of this post. I don't really have a reason why it was so important to me. I just didn't want people there.


The pitocin they used to start my labor seemed like it was taking forever. I went in at a 3 (which I had been for almost 3 weeks) and didn't do a thing until about 2PM on the 21st. Then I was at a 5. It still wasn't hurting, I had some pain meds in my IV and wasn't feeling a thing. I was just chilling in the room talking to my hubby, the parents (both sets) and my Justyn. This was easy! My nurse came in about 3PM and told me she was ordering my epidural so that when it did start hurting he would be there and I wouldn't have to suffer. I wasn't on the "Hurry up and get your butt here before I rip someones head off list" just on the "while you are making your rounds and are close stop by this room and drug her" list. So, an hour and a half later the first contraction that meant something hit. I was talking and laughing, and then I was on my side trying really hard not to let the tears welling up in my eyes leak out. and looking at my Father-In-Law sitting right across from me. He had been talking to Justyn, and then he looked at me, I suppose because I had stopped talking, and said "Ok. Come on buddy, we're outta here." Apparently he is not a fan of contractions either.


About 2 minutes later, and only 2 of those contractions under my belt, the most wonderful man in the entire universe rushed into the room and did his magic. Now, I am not a fan of needles. I hate them. I get queasy just thinking about it. But that needle, well let's just say I would have kept it and put it in a special box and probably worshiped it (if I didn't believe that was wrong of course....) for the next 4 months. He gave me a shot to numb me which I do not remember feeling, then told me there would be pressure and wallah. We were done and I was laying down talking again. They had to stay and watch me for 20 minutes to make sure I didn't pass out or whatever else you can do with that thing, but I honestly don't remember those 20 minutes. Until, that is, they had all left me alone because the 20 minutes passed without incident. Well, my mom and MIL were there but the doc and nurses had all left. (Anthony had gone to take Justyn to get something to eat when the contractions started so he wouldn't have to watch that) All of a sudden I remember thinking I was having a severe asthma attack. I was trying just to breath through it. I am not sure if I even said anything. All of a sudden the nurses rushed to my room and did (something) to me. My blood pressure had fallen way way down. I wasn't scared. I was drugged and happy. And I have no idea what they did. But my blood pressure got stable and that was over. I then had a fever for the whole rest of the time and they were worried about the baby. I knew this, but I was so very drugged I didn't understand it really and so therefore not too concerned. All this happened within an hour. Once my blood pressure was stable, all of a sudden, I got really really sick. My mom was standing looking white as a ghost (which I didn't remember until later) and not saying a word. I said "I'm gonna be sick." and my Mother-in-law brought me something to throw up in. I threw up, my water broke, and then I cried. I wanted my husband back now and I wanted out of there. I didn't say it....but I was thinking it! All of a sudden I wasn't so drugged, not hurting, but much more aware.


Then the second most wonderful man in the universe walked through the door and I was OK. Anthony was back! Everything was going to be OK! He made everyone get out even though it wasn't really time yet, and my world was OK again. It was about 7:45PM when the nurse came in and checked me and told me I was at a 9 and they were calling the doc. When she got there a little less than 30 minutes later it was time to push. they asked me if I wanted a mirror (Another fact about me....I HATE blood and guts and anything yucky, I come close to passing out and have to get something to eat FAST if ever in contact with it) I said yes. I'm sure if my mom would have been in there should have laughed. But I wanted to watch! I pushed once and they said good job. I pushed twice and they said good job. I pushed the 3rd time and they said "Have you done this before?" My husband said I said something crazy back...and in between too, but I don't know what. It took about 20 minutes and I saw a head. I was thrilled. And then time stopped. The doc said don't push, the nurses said stop pushing, and I stopped watching. I didn't know what was wrong until after when Ant came back and told me but I knew something wasn't right. I shut down my brain because I didn't want to hear what they were saying. I stopped pushing, stopped looking, and stop thinking. The doctor had to unwrap the cord from Abby's neck 3 times. She wasn't crying when her head was out. That's all I knew at the time. Then when they got her untangled and pulled her out she screamed. I still wasn't thinking good, but at least she was screaming loud enough for the entire hospital to hear. Ant cut the cord, and then they wiped her off and sat her on my chest while they did more yucky stuff to me. Then they took her back and started their regular stuff. Only they were doing it very quietly, and very fast. No one was talking to me and telling me good job, no one was reassuring me that she was OK, no one was even looking at me. I was just watching them all doing their thing and not sure I wanted to start listening yet. They wrapped her in a blanket, let me kiss her head, and took her out. Ant went with them and got to help a little. They told him that she had some stuff in her lungs, she wasn't breathing good, and they had to get her oxygen up. They beat her chest and back to get her to get it out. When Ant came back I was able to talk. The doc was finishing sewing me up and I had enough sense to ask one question. What time was she born. I didn't even know. It was 8:38PM when she made her entrance.


It took 4 of the longest hours of my life for them to get her stable and breathing and able to bring her back to me. I still wasn't thinking straight for those 4 hours. I have no idea what anyone said to me, or if I said anything to anyone. I wanted EVERYONE to just leave. I wanted to be alone and cry with my husband and just make them bring my baby to me. Finally, 4 hours later, a nurse came in and asked if I was ready to see my daughter. I am sure I said yes, but I don't know. When they brought her in that little bed and she was pink, and breathing, and wide awake, all I knew was that if someone didn't hand her to me I was GOING to get out of that bed and get her myself. And then they gave her to me. I don't remember a single thing after that. I know my inlaws were still there (I think) but I don't remember anything but Ant standing beside me and looking at my baby girl who was ok.


It's funny how fast your life changes when you hear that first cry. Especially when that first cry seems to take entirely too long to come. I can't believe that was 4 years ago tomorrow. I remember that feeling so well. I still cry when I think about how hard those first few hours were. I don't think everyone understood how serious it was, and the she wasn't doing good. And I couldn't let myself think about it. I am thankful it wasn't as bad as some other people I know, but for me it was the most horrifying and longest hours of my life.


She ended up being the prettiest baby in the hospital. Or so it seemed. EVERY SINGLE NURSE on that floor would come in just to look at her. They would ooh and aah over her and then send someone else to come look at her. I was so proud that it was MY baby that everyone wanted to see. She was beautiful. And she didn't sleep when people were there. Everyone couldn't believe how perfect she was and how alert she was. I wish I would have had a book to sign and had all the people who came into the room just to look at her sign it so I could show her how popular she was. It was a little insane, and I think they "checked" on us a little too often because of that. haha


Anyway, through her short 4 years on this earth she has been through some crazy things. She has been tested for so many things I don't even know the number. She has had almost every childhood disease that you don't get vaccinated for. And she has been the greatest most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. She has made me a better person because I want to be all I can be for her. She has showed me what the love of God really is. If I can love my children this much, how much more must God love us to give his son for us. She has brought my husband and I closer because of the love we share for her. She has shown me how much I take for granted. She has taught me how to pray. Children really are a gift from God.


I love you Abigail Marie. Happy 4th birthday, and I hope you will have many many more. <3

Pregnancy 411

I have never been the best pregnant person in the world and I never will be. I hate being sick, I hate getting fat, I hate being swollen, I hate never knowing what my mood will be or what will set it off. The only part I do like is the baby at the end that makes it all worth it. Mostly.


Having been through the awful joyous experience twice, the first time enjoying the pain, misery and grossness (mostly), because it would be making me a mommy at the end, and this time hating every second of all the sickness, pain, misery, and grossness inspite of getting a baby, Don't get me wrong. I love the baby part. Even the sleeplessness, and the crying, and stinkyness. If storks could really deliver babies I would have 10. But making them and getting them into the world healthy is not something I am very good at or enjoy at all.

The first time I religiously read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and enjoyed knowing what baby and my body were doing to bake the baby and get it here. I loved knowing what all was going on with the tiny little person inside of me.

This time I wasn't falling for the "This is a miraculous time in your life and enjoy it" stuff that that book likes to enforce. Yes it's an amazing thing to grow a person, and yes I will probably someday look back with happy tears of the time that I was growing my girls. I may even miss the kicking and the rollling and the reading of each week how the baby is growing. But I KNOW I will never miss the sickness, the grossness, the moodyness, and the feeling of never feeling "good".

SO, this time I read books by girls who knew that too. I read "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" and "Belly Laughs." It was wonderful to know that someone realized that all the books are full of the fun, exciting, and miraculous and none of the icky, gross, and awful.


I have also decided that not only is "pregnancy amnesia" not real, but a mother created that "problem" a very long time ago so that when her daughter asked why she didn't know that she was going to be leaking, or gassy, or cranky, or throwing up at the slightest provocation, and completely take someones head off (who may well be that same mother, or a husband, or some other poor unsuspecting person) for absolutely no reason at all, she could innocently and sweetly say, "Oh Honey, it's 'Pregnancy Amnesia.' You won't remember any of it either when you look in that sweet baby's face." Therefore making sure that their poor, unsuspecting daughter would give them grandchildren. And also they could get a little revenge on the daughter who caused them to be the leaky, gassy, puking, cranky women that they would like to forget they became once-upon-a-time. I'm sure (I think) that they feel bad for all we are going through, and really do know where we are coming from, and that they don't want us to suffer (too bad). But, they are also secretly laughing that they got to trick their daughters just like their mothers did them.

Now that I am a mother of 2 (soon to be 2 anyway) girls, I have also decided to "spare them" the gruesome facts and ensure that I too will get to be a grandma someday. All while secretly laughing and waiting for them to realize that they can pass on the lie of "Pregnancy Amnesia" to their children as well.


Disclaimer:
                 1. I would not suggest reading those books until you are actually pregnant and going through it. Maybe even wait until your second child so that, when the fun of making your first person is gone, you have something to make you laugh and know you're not the only one. 
                  2. Not everyone hates the process and is sick the entire time like me. So if you love it and have the easiest pregnancies ever, please keep that to yourself until, Oh, about August so that your aren't the one I lose it on. =P

A Little History

It seems like everyone is starting a blog. So I thought "Hey! Why not me?" I thought I would start out with a little history of our little family, as I like to call it. 


In October 2004 I started working at Fox Building Supply. I answered the phone and filed papers and what ever else they wanted me to do. I started talking to this cranky guy named Anthony who called into the office to get approvals for sales and all sorts of boring stuff like that.  and one day I asked my new friend Hollie if she knew him and if he was always so cranky. Turns out he was. So we decided to see if we could make him laugh. Turns out I could. We fell pretty fast for each other. 


He has a son who was about 2 and half when I met him. I fell head over heels for that kid the first time I met him. I am pretty sure that was Anthony's plan now that I think about it. He was my little buddy and he almost always was on my side so poor Anthony was out numbered from the start. I can't believe he turned 9 this year. 


We got married in November of 2005 at the court house in jeans and a dress shirt. And I loved it! 


Eight months into it my husband decided (more than likely after a whole bunch of asking and pleading and begging from me) to tell me to stop taking the pill and see what happened. I was ecstatic,  although we didn't tell anyone we were trying. Two short months later I was pregnant and shocked how fast it happened.  From the day we found out my husband said we were having a girl. I always said all I wanted was boys. I didn't want girls. Girls are mean and having 5 brothers and very few cousins my age out of my huge family who were girls, boys are what I was used to, and boys are what I wanted. We went to the ultrasound to find out what  we were having and guess what! He was right! Which is a good thing since he threatened to leave me if it was a boy. LOL. What on earth was I going to do with a girl?? Not to mention my husband had decided we were naming her after a Gothic chick on NCIS named Abby. 


Turns out I LOVE having a girl. The clothes, the shoes, the hair accessories, the attitude, the drama...well, I could do without that part. But then she wouldn't be my blond haired, blue eyed, princess Abigail, whom I pray doesn't grow up wanting a big spider tattoo and sleeping in a coffin. She is a girl all the way through and she is clumsy, uncoordinated, emotional, thoughtful, and cuddly like her mommy. Hardheaded, opinionated, smart, beautiful, and kind like her daddy. And I wouldn't trade any boys for her. 


3 years and 4 months after our first little princess, I was going to school for Medical Transcription so that I could work from home because I hate leaving her. I started feeling super emotional like I hadn't in...oh about 3 years and 4 months. Guess what! We were expecting again. SURPRISE!! I was a complete mess. I was already feeling sick and I was in complete shock. My husband on the other hand was taking it very well. You would think I would be happy he was ok with it, and excited after about 2 years of begging and pleading and wishing for another baby because, while Abby has a brother, he isn't here much and she is practically an only child. But no. I was sick, miserable, and scared out of my mind. It took a few months until I was able to accept it. And  by then everyone had decided it was a boy. At first I wanted a girl. A sister for Abby like I never had, we wouldn't have to buy boy stuff, and I had all of Abby stuff saved so it would be cheaper. I was a little annoyed with everyone saying it was a boy. But it didn't take long until a boy was what I wanted too. A boy for Ant, new stuff, cute preppy boy clothes. I even picked out his name, and we weren't telling anyone until he was here! 


So we go, very excitedly, to the ultrasound, holding our breath and just waiting to see the signs of the boy we all wanted. It took 15 minutes and then the Ultrasound Tech finally announces "Oh! It's another girly girl!" The room went silent. While she tried to get another look, Abby was crying and it was all I could do to keep it together. Then we saw it. Three little dots. It was a girl. I just started wishing she would hurry up and get finished so we cold just leave. I was disappointed and horrible mother. I started out not accepting the baby, and then when it wasn't what I wanted I cried. I was sure that I was the only person in the world who left the ultrasound completely heart broken. I cried, Abby cried, Ant called everyone and disappointed the whole family. I am sure when this baby grows up she will be holding it over our heads for the rest of our lives. So secretly I pray she has ALL boys. LOL  Not really, we are all excited now, and I cannot wait to see my little girls get to be sisters. I have grown to love the idea of more hair bows, and dresses, and accessories, and painted fingernails.  


She has name but it's a secret until she get's here. But if you know us you could probably have a very educated guess and get pretty close. ;)


And that is the story of us, my little family, in a slightly bigger than normal nutshell.