When I was just a little child, no higher than your knee....

When I was a little girl my grandma told me that you should never get frustrated when the traffic is backed up, or you get stuck behind a VERY slow car, because it could be God keeping you safe from what lies ahead. When I got older my dad said the same thing. And a few times I have seen the evidence of it. But lately I have been noticing that it happens in real life too. A really slow "car" gets in my way and I'm so frustrated. But a little ways down the road I see what that "imperfect timing" was preparing my heart for. And it turns out it was right on time! Sometimes there are road blocks, or pot holes that give you flat tires.  Sometimes its a curb you hit because you weren't paying close enough attention. Then other times its a friendly push uovthe hill to the gas station because you're just plain outta gas! The last few months I have hit a lot of curbs, had a few flat tires, and ran out of gas countless times. But God has always been there to get me out of it. Either with a jack (aka parents) to change my tire (aka attitude), a friendly tow (aka friend(s) ) to get some more gas (aka uplifting words), or curb to get my attention when I forget to watch where I'm going (aka the Bible and my pastor).
I'm thankful for life lessons and a Godly heritage that have taught me how to apply them. God has done great things for me. The greatest is eternal life with Him in heaven. But He didn't stop there. He has given me the tools and guides to help me become His best for me. I am so very unworthy. But forever grateful!

"When I was just a little child no higher than you knee,
My momma bought a box of crayons
Just for me.
I picked them up, and I opened them up and I looked way down inside,
And the colors they reminded me of Jesus when He died.
Red is the color of the blood that he shed.
Brown is for the crown of thorns they placed upon His head.
Blue is for royalty in which He did dwell.
And yellow is for the Christian whose afraid to tell"

I choose Reeces Peanut Butter Cup Mix, Thank you!

I have been thinking about choices lately. Every day we are faced with so many choices that we don't even realize that's what they are. I choose what I will eat for breakfast. I choose what I wear. I choose to spend entirely too much time pinning things at night and get very little sleep. I choose to teach my daughter. I choose to lose my mind. Well, maybe not exactly, but I did choose to have children so same difference.
Sometimes we make good choices, sometimes we make bad ones. Every single day our lives are made up of a thousand different choices. Every choice has a consequence. Good or bad there is one. Even if it's little. Even if it's big. (Oh great...I'm channeling Dr. Suess...)
I sometimes over think the craziest choices. For instance, "Oh! I need to wear this shirt tomorrow because I'm going (insert destination)." Or "I need to lay on my right side because I was laying on my left side when I got up." I know. Crazy right? Don't worry. I do it to the big ones, too. Only worse. Much, much worse.
Through some much needed reading, Bible study, and some very dear friends (who will remain anonymous) I have come to the conclusion that I have let my bad choices run my life. Not only that, but I have let the guilt of those choices become my idol. I revel in the misery I so deserve.
But what about being a child of my Heavenly Father? What about being saved from my sin? What about that blood that cleanses all my sin? What happened to keeping God my God? Why do I think, instead of asking forgiveness, learning from my choices and their consequence, and moving on to higher ground, that God wants me to live a miserable, broken life?
It seems I have forgotten the things I have known my whole life. Jesus came to this earth, died on a wooden cross, suffered in pain and agony, and DIED for all of those choices I have made. And then, instead of staying dead and leaving me hopeless, He arose. He defeated MY sin and death. And He loved me enough to suffer to prove it. If He could do all that for me, who am I to put who I am and what I am before Him. Who am I that my sin is too big for His blood? Who am I that my righteousness (Ok, unrighteousness, but I sure can act like I'm righteous enough) is good enough to make my good days good enough? How silly I have been! God doesn't expect me to never mess up. He expects me to mess up, tell Him I was wrong, and try again. I can't say I won't ever be less than anything I am now. But I can say I am redeemed, saved by the blood, on my way to heaven, never to lose that promise of forever, despite my humanness. I am thankful for the cross, the blood, and the empty tomb!

In my wildest imagination
I would have never even thought
That someone would give His life to die for me
On an old wooden cross.
But there's a man who gave it all
On a hill called Calvary.
He was mocked and ridiculed,
Spat upon and beat.
His own Father turned His back,
And his mother watched in tears.
There has never been a moment
When I thought I was worth it all
But He suffered and bled
And died on that tree,
And would have done it just for me!
-Author -TA

The Lord is Near

The Lord is near!

The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. The Lord preserveth all them that love him: but all the wicked will he destroy. My mouth shall speak the praise of the Lord: and let all flesh bless his holy name for ever and ever. (Psalm 145:18-21 KJV)

It seems like the valleys we have in life are always leading to something greater. Preparing us for what is on top of the next mountain. The mountain tops of life are always amazing. But they seem to mean so much more when the valley was rough and the climb up took all you had. We would never be thankful for the view without the work to get there. I don't know about you, but my valleys are only survived by letting God carry my packs. The longer I try to worry, and fix, and cut down all the weeds and ignore the offered hand, the longer it takes for me to get out! But God didn't send me through the valley to see how hard I would struggle on my own. He sent me to see how big my faith will grow. Verse 18 says "the Lord is nigh unto ALL them that call upon him." All He asks us to do is call on Him and He is there. "To all that call upon him in truth" or "faithfully". It seems to me that, while we all know God knows everything that we are going through, even before it happens, He still wants us to tell him. Cry out to him and "he will also hear their cry, and will save them." I think that some of the trials, or valleys as I like to call them, are not given to us to see how well "WE" can get through it. I believe God gives them to us to teach us that leaning on him, crying out to him, and finally giving it to Him, was all he expected from us. If we try to do it on our own, where would our praises come from when we made it through? Where would our faith grow? What if we didn't "make it through" the way we thought?
Since becoming a mother I understand more and more the way God loves His children. It amazes me that as much as my girls mean to me and are my heart, how very much more God loves me! He loves me enough to let me fall down so I can reach up to Him to help me back up. He loves me enough to let me make the wrong choices, even though He has told me the right ones, so that I can learn to trust Him more. He loves me enough to say "Well done!" even when I didn't do it perfectly. God wants us to share with him our hurts, our failures, our victories, the broken hearts. He wants us to tell him about our day, whether good or bad. He wants a relationship with us. When my kids cry out to me, I reach out to them. I sometimes can't help if they don't use their words to tell me what they need. Even when they are babies we mothers learn their cries. The one that means they are hungry. The one that means they are tired. The one that means they are dirty. And when they just need to cry because, well they just need to cry! God wants us to use our words, and he knows our cries.
God doesn't want us to just assume he knows what is going on and expect him to fix it. He DOES know what is going on. He knows even before we are born all the trials that we will face, and the mountains we will climb, and the view we will get to see at the top of each one. But how we handle the trials, and how we react to the climb, is our own choice. Will I call on Him, tell Him my heart, grow my relationship, and let Him draw nigh? Will I try to figure it out on my own?
I challenge you (and myself) to see the valleys for what we are to learn through them, and not how quickly we can escape. And when we make it to the top of another mountain we can say, "My mouth shall speak the praise of the Lord: and let all flesh bless His holy name for ever and ever."

When I grow up....

Sometimes my heart feels so full of so many emotions that I have to get it out. This is what i have been thinking since I woke up this morning:
When I grow up I hope to be as faithful and dependent on God as my "little" cousin and her husband have been these last 4 months (and even more because it started with an ultrasound that seems so long ago.) Seeing how Gods grace has been made completly visible through their testimonies through trials I cannot even imagine has brought so much to my heart. My heart is aching for them and all I know to do is pray. But God has given them a peace that definitely passes all understanding. While my heart is broken for them, I'm also in awe of the Grace I see in their lives. God can and will work everything for His glory if we let Him. But how often do we let Him? How often do we cry out and beg God for that grace, because its the only way we can get through our trials, only to to be so caught up in our own sadness that we completely miss it? Logan may not have had a very long time on this earth, but he definitely taught me a whole lot more than some people I have known for my 30 short years. And God gave him parents that could use the way God made him for His glory. I can't help but wonder if I would have been up to that task. I selfishly hope that I am never put to the test. But my prayer is that I would hold onto that Grace and Mercy with all my might and let Gods glory shine. Its funny how we always expect the "older and wiser" to be an example, but God uses the smallest and most fragile. Wow!

Deuteronomy 4:9
Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons;

Well Glory!!!

In October of last year my grandpas already troubled health started getting much much worse. By November the doctors said that his kidneys were not working right. Grandpa had a pretty good thanksgiving (it was always his favorite) and even a pretty good good Christmas. By January we knew it wouldn't be long before grandpa finally got to go home.
The doctor came into the hospital room to tell him and grandma that his kidneys were no longer filtering. He told them he didn't want to do dialysis because of his health. Grandpa said he didn't want it. The doctor, trying to make sure he understood what it would mean, asked him if he knew what that meant. Grandpa said, "yes, I'm going home." The doctor, thinking Grandpa didn't understand the question asked again, "Do you know what will happen if you do not do dialysis?" and my grandpa said, "yes, I'm going to heaven."
That is probably one of the most reassuring stories that I have ever heard. He was not afraid of the next step, because he knew exactly what it would mean. I am so very thankful that on that Mothers Day so long ago my grandpa answered Gods knocking on his hearts door and said yes.
He was a man who was my hero, a man who had a ton of grand kids but could make you feel like you were the one he loved most right at that moment (I really was the favorite, just don't tell anyone else...;) ), a man who gave his life to bring others to the savior who saved a sinner like him. A man who loved his wife, and family, and church.
I was thinking back about some of my favorite times with him. I remember playing hide and seek in the church (a couple of them) and getting caught and scolded, but seeing the twinkle in his eye. I remember when he would call and say, "We are going fishing, make me some Peanut Butter and Jelly" and hang up before you even got to ask what time, how many, and what kid of Jelly. Lol I remember on those fishing trips sometimes he would go out in his tube in the middle of the ponds and yell at us to be quiet because we were scaring the fish away. Lol I remember sitting in church with him and giggling when he would scare the congregation with his "WELL HLORY!" and "PREACH IT" and "mmmmmhhhmmmm, that's good stuff" or finish a sentence for whoever was preaching. I remember sitting there just talking about anything and everything and sitting on his lap while he told me about my dad, or about Jesus, or about the football game that was on tv. I remember him scaring the daylights of us by coming in a room and yelling at us just because it amused him to see how high we would jump.
I'm not gonna lie. Every once in a while I felt extremely selfish during those last few weeks. I wanted to keep my grandpa forever. Jesus was supposed to come back before he took him. It's no fun to say goodbye on this earth no matter how exciting the next hello is going to be.
But when all is said and done I would not ever ask him to stay and be so sick. Even though my heart hurts for myself, and my grandma, and my daddy, and all the rest of my family, thinking of him in heaven rejoicing makes it worth it. To know he isn't hurting or struggling anymore gives peace. To know exactly where he is and how much he longed to be there gives a peace that definitely passes all understanding.
The family that was around when when he went HOME tells an amazing story of Gods grace and peace. He didn't struggle or fight, he didn't have pain. God let him come peacefully before him. What a blessing!!!!
At his funeral we had church. It was one of the best church services of my life. It was one of the hardest of my life. But more than that it spoke of my grandpas testimony, and character. He sold out to God. He wasn't perfect. He was a SINNER saved by GRACE. And he was proud of it. I can't even imagine where all 136+ of us would be if it wasn't for that grace. God blessed our tribe because of my grandparents love for him. Not because of who they were, or what they had done, or how many churches they pastored, or how many people they won to Christ. Not for how many times he preached, or read the bible, or how many of their kids serve Him. He blessed them for their faithfulness. What an awesome heritage and legacy we have been left. Not everyone can say what we can all say about our heritage. I have always been proud of who I am. Where I came from. I have always known why we are so blessed. But now, more than ever, I am amazed and my heart is full with it.
So even when I have a sad thought or miss him, because being the ones left behind is very hard, I know that someday I will see him again. And while I am still here and living this crazy life, I will strive to bring honor to my God. Not because I want my grandpa or grandma to see what all I did for Christ, but because through their lives they have taught me to want to do it for Jesus.
And THAT is the greatest inheritance anyone could ever receive. <3

Goodbye 2011! Hello 2012!

2011 was a very long, trying, eventful year. To say the least. I am thankful for the things I learned. The blessings I received. The hard times I survived. And the great things that were all mixed in. But I am not sorry to see it go!

This New year will probably bring a lot of unexpected things too. But I'm excited to see what those will be. I usually make New Years Resolutions, and I NEVER keep them. Usually its about 3 weeks max and then it's so long to whatever I was deciding to do that year. So this year I decided that I want to make life and heart resolutions. I want to grow closer to God, become a better wife and mother, and live for the days I have, come want may. I want to not worry so much, and trust God more. I want to be thankful for what I do have, instead of looking at what I could have. I want to love better, laugh more, and live like I know where I'm going (because I do!).

In church this morning I remembered something my dad taught us to do every New Year. He would trace our hands and our feet and cut them out. Then he would take us to the church when no one else was there and we would lay our hands and our feet at the alter and he would pray for us. He would pray that God would keep us in His will. That we would let Him use our hands and feet for Him. And he would, every year, give us back to God. When I was little I thought it was fun to trace my hands and feet and give them to Jesus. Now that I have my own kids I see how precious and blessed I am to have a dad that wanted only Gods best for us. So this year, with my New resolutions, my only prayer is that my children and family will see that in me. Even through the times when I fall and don't do it just right. I want "to do everything I do to the glory of the one who made me, cause He made me!"
So, if you think about it, please pray for me this year! I won't ever be perfect and I won't always do everything just right. I will always be taking tiny little baby steps and probably falling flat on my face (a lot). But hopefully by 2013 I will have learned to pick myself back up a little better than I do now. I am so glad God knows me, and that when I do fall He is right to help me back up.
Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!