For my good, and for His glory

So, he'll probably kill me, but that's ok. 

When I met the man I call my husband these days, I was absolutely NOT where I should be as a Christian. I was probably the worst possible example of what Jesus looks like. After we had Abby I finally gave in to my convicted heart and went to church. I was practically begged to go by one of my Aunts. I didn't really want to, but I finally did. Because I wanted my babies to know Jesus. As I started working towards forgiveness in my life and forgiveness for others, I started praying that my husband would come with us, too. I would (selfishly) get my feelings hurt when he wouldn't. Like it was about me and not about Jesus.
Finally I just kind of gave up for a while. I am embarrassed to say that. But I did. Then I met the girl who has become one of my best friends in the whole world. And together we did a bible study. Through that I learned I wasn't alone in my marriage struggles and I started making other new friends. I learned so many people weren't perfect and didn't have perfect marriages. So I started cautiously praying again. I was praying that he would just come to church with us. That's all. Just that one step. It was a small step. But I didn't know how else to pray. I just wanted him by my side at church.
Fast forward to last year. He had started coming occasionally. Probably 2 times a month maybe. And then, our lives got rocked. Hard core rocked. I didn't know what would happen, but I just begged God to not let my husband blame God. I honestly wasn't sure what was going to happen. But God did something much much bigger than I could have ever imagined. And He's still doing big big things. I have always been taught how good God is. And that's so very true. But y'all, God is also so much bigger than we think. He can do things that are absolutely impossible. He can literally move mountains.
My husband has gone from "church isn't for me, church people just aren't who I want to be around"  to falling on Jesus at the hardest days of our lives so far, planning on going on mission trips, doing Bible studies with us and learning as he goes, praying for us when life just stinks, encouraging me through verses by text, being baptized with Abby. I am so very humbled that God has done so very much more than I ever imagined or even prayed for.
This last year I have learned that not only is God good, He is very very big. My prayers have become bigger. My doubts have become smaller. God can do miracles. He can move mountains. He can break down walls. He Can!
I have always been one that asks why hard, bad, awful things happen. I ask God why he allows them. I have never doubted His Goodness. But I have questioned His ways. This last year God has become so much bigger to me. He didn't work in the ways I wanted. He didn't make things all happy and peaceful and fabulous. But in the middle of our big huge mess, when we were completely broken, He made it for our good and for His glory. Y'all, God is BIG!!!!

Isaiah 55:8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord .  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

All the things

Ever since last year when our life as we knew it was rocked, I have been overwhelmed with STUFF So easy. Things that used to matter no longer do. The way we plan our lives will never be the same. The things we did as a family now have a hole in them. And I have been praying about what we need to do to heal, and move forward, and live for things that matter. I have had it on my heart a lot lately that we just need to simplify. Then, last week I watched some little people for a friend. While we were there I discovered their play room and how few toys were in there. And I watched the kids play with those toys. Something amazing happened. They shared because there was only one set of blocks that made a puzzle. They made up their own games with the riding toys, and even shared those because there weren't enough for all the kids with mine there.

And that's when it hit me. I knew what we needed to do. We have SO. MANY. THINGS. Things in every corner of the girls rooms, and closets, and all the dog toys, oh my!!! So many things no one wants to pick them up because it's even overwhelming to the little people. So many things drawers are overflowing and there's just no more stuffing anything other things in them.
I'm just so very overwhelmed with things.
So, the next day I purged one of the bedrooms. I got an entire black trash bag FULL of THINGS. And you know what??? Not one of my children have missed a single thing in that bag. I had a few moments of mom guilt for getting rid of a cash register that they love even though it's broken and doesn't work at all. There are still "too many"  toys in one of the drawers. But for the first time in forever (you know I just got that song stuck in your head, you're welcome) when I sent them to clean up their mess, they put all the toys in the drawers and NO ONE was overwhelmed. NO ONE threw a huge fit (there was a small one, but I'm still calling it a victory). It was amazing. We still have a lot more purging to do. And I know for a fact it's going to be baby steps for all of us. But if we could live in a 1 bedroom, 600 square foot, apartment for 7 years, 4 of those being with 1.5 kids and then 2.5 kids the last 10 months of it, we can most definitely live smaller than we apparently think we can in a 3 bedroom house. Our kids didn't die from lack of things. They didn't even need to be hospitalized for lack of space (although the mold almost did make that happen).
I want all of us to be thankful for what we have. To use our time, money, and efforts to build our family up, not fill up closets and attics.

So, thank you to my friends who purged and gave me the inspiration to move forward with ours. For the last year I have seen that it's not how many baby doll we have, or how many wrestling figures can fit on a shelf that matter. It's the hearts of my kids, and my husband, and myself that matter. It's how we spend our time together, not how much money we spent on a toy,  or a birthday.

We will most definitely have a lot of days where we are kicking and screaming and completely against it. I am positive that we will fail sometimes and need encouragement to keep living simply. And while I don't think every single person I know needs to throw away all their kids toys in order to learn that lesson, for us, it's where we will start. One big black trash bag, one picnic outside, one play dough bird house, one coloring book, one math lesson, one nap time, one melt down, one big huge mom fail, one walk around the block at a time.

1 Corinthians 10:31
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.