I have been thinking for a while about writing a blog post about what all God has done the last year. It's a huge story with so many twists and turns that it feels impossible to say everything I would love to say, and not say anything I would not love to say. So, instead, I am just going to share what is on my heart.
One of my favorite chapters of the Bible is Isaiah 40. The whole chapter. I have a lot of favorites, too many to mention on one post. But that one is definitely in the top 3. I love how it talks about the greatness of God. How He is so big, and nothing is here without Him. When I am struggling with why hard things happen, I read it. And even though He hasn't made all things new yet, He is making me new, and He WILL make everything else new, when He's ready.
This last year prayers that I have prayed for 7 years have been answered. Prayers that so many others have prayed for even longer than I did (and I wish I would have been then) have been answered. But if you would have told me HOW they were going to be answered, I can promise you I would have done everything in my power to change what our story is now. Not the good parts. Not the parts that I praise God for every day. But the hard parts. The parts I wish I could take away and never ever had anyone in my family experience. The parts I wish I could erase and make better for myself, my husband, my kids. But on the days when I am struggling the hardest and want to take the pain away from the people I love the most, I am reminded that without that pain, we might not have been brought to our knees. We might not have lost all control and had only God to pick us up.
I have learned throughout my life that everyone has a story. Everyone. A good story. A bad story. A hard story. No matter how their story goes, everyone has one. I have learned that no matter what your story is, you aren't alone in it. While even people who have been through what you have still won't know exactly your hurt, or joy, or sorrow, or anger, there are so many people who can relate. No matter where you are or where you've been. I have learned that the church isn't full of people who have it all together. It's full of hurting, broken, imperfect people, who just love Jesus, and want love Him more. I have learned that sharing your story with people is a good thing. I have learned that it's amazing to know you are NOT alone, and that God can do big things in the middle of yucky places. And I am more thankful for the people I have met and become friends with in the middle of our broken, hard, yucky stories, who have helped me grow and given me a place to cry, than they will ever ever know.
Watching God change my family has been the greatest blessing of my life. I say a lot that He's changed my husband, but it's not just him. My heart has changed in so many ways. I will never be the same as I was a year ago. 9 months ago. 6 weeks ago.
If you would have told me a year ago that my husband would be who he is now, I probably would have laughed at you. If you would have told me that he would be reading his Bible, praying for us, going to church with us, giving with us, serving in our church with us, even going on mission trips with us, I just wouldn't have believed you. I love him so much, even when our marriage was at its worst and I didn't know if we would make it. But now, I can tell you, that I have never loved him more than I do now. Even on days when we are frustrated, or sad, or mad. The joy in my heart watching him lead us in the middle of so much brokenness has shown me once again that God can ALWAYS Turn our mess into a message, and our tests into a testimony.
As I see so many people I know going through so many hard things. Child loss, divorce, sickness, infertility, money trials, so much heartache. I just can't get over how BIG God is. Somehow He always gives us exactly what we need for the next step. Somehow He prepares us or those around us to be there when we need our pieces picked up. He never ever leaves us. He never quits working behind the scenes to work everything for his glory and our good. Even when it hurts so bad we can't breath. Even when we can't see the whys.
Isaiah 40:28-31
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
